Proud, Pregnant, and Supported: The Role of a Doula in LGBTQ+ Birth Spaces

🌈 Happy Pride Month! 🌈

It's no secret that I am in a same-sex relationship with a wonderful woman named Sarah—we’ve been married for two years and have built our beautiful family together. We have two incredible daughters, one conceived through IUI and birthed by me, and one carried by Sarah. Sarah also carried a surrogacy baby last year, making our journey to parenthood unique, meaningful, and full of love.

One of the most common questions we get (after "Who carried which kid?") is "How did that happen?" As I’m sure most of you know, sperm is necessary to conceive a baby—and surprise! We don’t have that. But before diving into how we had our children, I want to take a moment to say:

✨ There are SO MANY ways to create a family, and there is no single “right” way. Adoption, IUI, IVF, surrogacy—a family is built by love. ✨

When Sarah and I talked about what we wanted our family to look like, we explored the options that felt right for us. For me, carrying a child was important, so we purchased sperm through a sperm bank. The process felt a little like something out of a movie—we considered characteristics that would complement our family, hoping to find traits resembling Sarah. We landed on a donor with brunette hair, green eyes, and, hopefully, a little less attitude (because my genes have plenty of that already).

Every sperm bank is different, offering various levels of information about donors—some show adult and baby photos, others only baby pictures. We selected our donor, sent the sperm to the fertility clinic, and proceeded with a medicated IUI cycle to conceive our youngest. If you’re curious about what that process looks like, I’d love to share more—reach out anytime.

But beyond the technical steps of making a baby, there’s something that often gets overlooked in conversations about queer parenthood: the birth space.

When you don’t fit the traditional mold of a birthing couple, navigating pregnancy and labor can feel different. Medical professionals may not always know the best language to use, societal norms might create extra emotional labor, and sometimes, you just need someone in your corner who fully sees you. That’s where doulas make a difference.

Doulas hold space, advocate, and support ALL birthing people—without assumptions, without judgment, and with deep compassion. In same-sex relationships, the role of a doula is especially powerful. Whether you’re the gestational parent or the non-birthing partner, a doula ensures that your experience is affirming, inclusive, and empowering.

If you're queer and preparing to grow your family—whether through pregnancy, adoption, or surrogacy—you deserve support that recognizes your unique experience. A doula can help you navigate birth with confidence and ensure your family feels held, heard, and celebrated.

No matter how your family identifies or how you decide to start or grow it: YOU ARE VALID. YOU ARE WORTHY. 💜